she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
