I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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