You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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