we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
