Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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