Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
