Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
