if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
