Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
