Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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