I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
