names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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