On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
