look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
