its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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