girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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