did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
