i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
