Just fell off a train. Bad.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
