so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
