i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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