im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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