Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He better not be in your backpack
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
