im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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