her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
