Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
