Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
