I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
