I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
