I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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