We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
