jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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