Pants 0. Shit 1.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
