shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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