I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
