wakey wakey hands off snakey
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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