Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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