when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
