I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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