I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Randomize
