My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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