I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
