Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
