And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
