Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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