Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
