she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
