sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
