He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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