If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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